What the gossip mags say

It’s a simple formula to give the women of New Zealand what they want – weddings and divorces.

That is at least what the gossip mags would have you believe this week anyway.

The tally: Victor Vito – engaged, Jennifer Aniston – secretly married, Lynda Topp – married, and Pippa Middleton – “set to wed” and Katie Holmes – divorced … obviously.

And that’s just on the covers.

Inside Woman’s Day there is an inspirational message for women aged 50 and over – you still have time to get engaged, look, Elle Macpherson’s done it.

But in what is truly a far bigger achievement, Lynda Topp holds the cover spot with her wedding to long-time partner Donna Luxton.

It is the first time a same-sex couple has held the cover ever – congratulations to the happy couple, and to Woman’s Day.

In other news, Pippa Middleton is wearing a sparkly new diamond band. On her finger No … on her wrist.

But according to Woman’s Day, which is leading the marital charge this week, it must surely mean one thing.

“Pippa would marry Nico [Jackson] tomorrow, but she is trying to take it step by step, so instead she picked out a Cartier love bracelet.”

Their “insider” confirms it has to be screwed on with a special screwdriver and can’t be taken off without it – similar to handcuffs. Kinky.

Woman’s Weekly has come out late with a lead on Kate Middleton’s slip of the tongue, in announcing they could be having a girl.

They also appear to have “papped” Anna Guy and her new love, Brett Jameson, from the bushes near their North Shore driveway.

Guy, still in her pyjamas and Jamieson in a white singlet, appear to be waving someone off with a child’s bag in tow.

New Idea, however, is turning the tried-and-true marriage algorithm on its head.

They’re leading with Katie Holmes’ divorce to Tom Cruise.

It happened close to a year ago, but some shocking new revelations have come to light with regards to the way Cruise treated his ex-wife during their marriage.

“In my opinion, he basically stunted her growth as an individual,” said a source.

Maybe he thought that was the only way they could be on even footing.

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