YourTango.com, a self-described “community for love, sex, dating and relationship advice” has created an instructional video called “Facebook Manners and You.” Styled after one of those frighteningly cheery ’50’s educational films, the video’s instructions for proper behavior on the “electric friendship generator” is funny in that hits-too-close-to-home sort of way.
The etiquette video covers everything from how to dump someone to the best practices for making hate groups . Still, there are a number of Facebook etiquette rules that the video does not cover. TIME would like to suggest these additional electronic friendship guidelines:
1. Stop taking quizzes. Nobody cares what literary time period you are.
2. If you sync your Twitter account to Facebook so that you fill others’ news feeds with a constant stream of mundane updates and references to people with little @ symbols before their names, be prepared for people to de-friend you. Maybe even in real life.
3. Don’t friend someone you don’t actually know
4. If you must friend someone you don’t actually know, please include a message explaining why. For example, “Hi, I’m your cousin’s roommate!” would suffice.
5. Actually, no. Why would your cousin’s roommate want to be your friend That’s still weird.
6. Don’t invite people to events if they don’t actually live in your city. I’m glad you still live in our old college town, but guess what I don’t. Even if I did, I still wouldn’t waste my Friday night listening to you play music at that vegan coffee shop I frequented when I was 19 because I couldn’t get into bars.
7. I’m sorry that your grandfather died of emphysema but I will not join your “cause.”
8. Please make sure all your photos are rotated in the proper direction. How will people know how fun your Fourth of July barbecue was if every picture looks like you fell over
9. If you create a group called “Lost my cell phone, need your numbers!” I will join, but I won’t give you my number.
10. Cryptic status updates about your mental state Rachel is trying so hard, Rachel wishes things were different, Rachel is starting her life over don’t make you sound intriguing, just lonely and pathetic.
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